First off I apologise for not getting back all that fast to people about commissions. I was busy doing errands on the weekend, and Monday was a long day of long car rides & dental work. When I got back I was feeling queasy like usual (something with dental stuff always gives me a headache & makes me gaggy). But by the time I crawled into bed for the night, I was feeling shaky & I ached. The next morning I couldn't even keep a mug of tea down, and I had a full-blown fever. So the last few days have just been of drifting in-and-out of sleep, watching "The Mentalist" season 2, sweating buckets, & playing some "Animal Crossing: Wild World". I've pretty much just subsistent off toaster pastries & apple juice, but did manage to not bring back up a bag of popcorn while watching yesterday's new episode of "The Mentalist". And to be an ass my brain since yesterday has decided that since I have a fever and already can't focus my thoughts, that it is going to dwell on upsetting things. So much hopelessness, disposablility, horribly alone, and thinking of things to reply to the comment on my writing--but deciding that nothing I say would matter at all (no-one understood or cared about my broken trust or worthlessness then, and certainly don't now). And feeling like a bother to those that do still talk to me (everyone has worst things to deal with). Family crap, and what-not too. Only instead of being able to distract myselt from these type of thoughts, there isn't much I can do when I am barely awake & shaking from cold chills.
So yeah; I have no capacity for e-mailing right now. But I will reply sometime soon. I do really appreciate that people have commissioned me or donated though. I never expected anyone to do so! So thank-you very much. I am all that my brat & brats have after all, even if I can't offer very much. So the help I have received is wonderful. I've raised almost 1/4 of the $200 bill!
I should go to outpatients, but my mother is working, my adoptive family won't drive me, & I don't feel like taking a 1 1/2 bus ride then walking in the rain. And I don't think it would be good for either my stomach or fever. I also was planning on going to see the BRHS drama club perform "Dracula" tonight or tomorrow. But I don't know if I am well enough to even venture out to do that. :(
The book "Dracula" has a line in it that Van Helsing says to Mina (I also really like Wilhelmina Harker) about "light in the dark", and that is something that has stuck with me. I am Guthixian, and try to have a belief in Balance (of course that hasn't been easy lately at all). But yeah, it stuck with me just like the concept of 'no good or evil' did back when I read most of The Sword of Truth series. But I am not focused enough to ramble on that at this time.
...ANYWAY...I probably should try to go see that play, even just for a distraction. Maybe I can get some ice-cream too...
On another topic; I feel so sad for Patrick Jane after last night's new episode. But it did show his sincerity towards and protectiveness of children, just how much his family's murder effects him when he is alone, and it also showed his cruel/ruthless side that hasn't been shown much lately. I wish I had started watching this series prior to last summer, but at least I can go about catching-up on the earlier episides [I'm on episode 16(?) of season 2].
Lastly; before this flu I had started reading "The Invisible Man" again.
I ventured out to go see the play. And though the front sign still had "May 10-12", and all the posters in town & on the way there. The place was empty when I arrived, and after walking the halls I found one poster with "Rescheduled" on it. So -______-
I'll hopefully get to see it on the 24TH-26TH now, but no idea. Anyway I did manage to get a hot fudge (with strawberry ice-cream) sundae though, so at least there is that! I think the peanuts were leftover from last year though as they were hella stale :S
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