Okay I feel like crap. Earlier today I felt über happy. Sadly that feeling like always passes. Last night and this morning I felt as if I had finally began to feel like I can love Matt fully again. I have been not letting my self fall completly for him, because I still belived that; yes he will dump me again, and yes it will be shortly. I had once again started to dismise that feeling. After reading his latest post, and him ending our RP entry. I am once again questining if; Yes! he is the one for me at this moment. That yes I can let myself melt in his warmness once again. That everything will be fine.
Maybe I am just worrying pointlessly...I won't have to worry about it anyway in around anouther year. He'll be gone by then. I am very sad inside over this fact. I guess that may be one of the things that makes me think that; yah, I do love him truely. Maybe, like always you only relize how much you do love someone after they are gone? I'll just have to see that if I do truely miss him come that time.
I have times though when I just love him sooooo much, like sunday morning when I went into his room to try and sneak a good morning kiss. He was already awake, and he just looked so hansome and cute. I felt like he really was the one at that moment.
Other times he makes me hate him.
I am not even sure that he loves me anymore, if he ever did.
I am pretty much set on moving to Toronto to go to IADT there. I have decided that I should change my name when I move. Just my last name. I am not safe using the one I currently have. I will also probbally drop Ashley from my name aswell. I have almost decided what I want my new last name to be. I shant post it here though.
I find that the best way to avoid becoming completely upset is to:
Prepare for the worst,
Never get your hopes up or count on anything,
Belive any good thing is the last good thing that will happen.