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[icon] NP Appointment - Long Shot Of That Jumping Sign~♫
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March 8th, 2008

Current Music:C'est Moi -- from Camelot
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Subject:NP Appointment
Time:05:21 am
Current Mood:sleepysleepy
[Nurse Practicioner/Councelor] Deemed I was depressed. Gave me a note to excuse missing the next 2 weeks of school. Told me to relax and do what I want. Get out of the house. Make sure I eat and get enough sleep, ect.

Told me it is no wonder I am this way since I have suffered a massive lose [both in my support net, and emotionally]. She also told me to get in contact with him as I won't be able to get better without some (even a tiny bit of) closure on it.
[That he was too close as a person and as such hearing that it was all for pity (not just The Relationship but more-so the friendship and all the years) is ripping my whole view of Self apart. My trust has been shattered, and all my other relationships with peopel has been effected.] Same thing I was told at the other appointment. I should try and write him, visit or call him.

I have decided I'm scared of Matt now though. I dread having to call him because I don't want to here "you were just a pity fuck, and that's all" again or any of that shit. I take it to heart even if I don't want to or know I should not. Matt is still remembered as the person I knew for 14 years and anything said like that hurts worst than I can explain. Oh I'm not in love anymore; that love was butchered over 2 months ago. I also don't care if I hang-out anymore with him again. I just want to be able to move-on from this shit.


I am also stressed about school. There is a strong chance I will not pass the course. I will have wasted all this time and all this money for nothing. I can still catch-up as of now (in everything but Canadian History) but then again I CAN'T create (Art) or write essays when I am in this Haze. Yesterday I was told ASAP to get a note for school as I am not functioning and should not force myself to do what I am seriously unable to do.

Relax, 'spoil myself' (do what I want/enjoy, when I want to), eat, sleep as much as I can, get out of the house, talk to friends, be around people, get in contact with/from Matt, and go to my appointments is what I have been told to do. (may need to go on something if I don't get any better after my two-weeks. Right-now is settling the stress and getting caught-up on all this sleep I've missed. I was told that should help emensley)
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Comments:

hitokiri_quatre
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Time:2008-03-08 01:17 pm (UTC)
-hugs- I'm not sure how the breakup/breakoff went, so I guess I can't really say what would be best for you, but if you do contact him, I wish you all the luck in the world. We're here for backup if you ever need it.
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lady_noremon
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Time:2008-03-09 01:08 am (UTC)
*hugs* It was not done well. It went from hanging-out every weekend, and talking every night to *sudden drop* "Why would I waste my time on you?". and when I asked why; I got that it was because I was never good enough to even be his friend let alone his girlfriend. He also told me all the years we knew each other were simply him feeling bad for me.

As I've said I'm scared to talk to him. And it sucks that I am.

Thanks.

I really wish you were here for physical back-up.
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telophase
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Time:2008-03-08 05:49 pm (UTC)
Not knowing any of the details, it sounds to me like he has failed to grow up as the same rate as you have. Telling you that is the reaction of a little boy.

The way *I'd* handle it would be to write a letter to him saying whatever I needed to say to get it off my chest, and, after a day or two of cooling off, reread it and decide if the act of writing it down supplied enough closure or if it needed to be sent.

YOU are a creative, intelligent, caring young woman who deserves the same in her friends and relationships. Take care. :)
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lady_noremon
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Time:2008-03-09 12:58 am (UTC)
[One night he came on MSN and broke-up with me, but said he still wanted to be friends since we had been since grade 2. I went to his house after a appointment I had and he ignored me, and then told me I was never good enough for him to even pretend to be my friend. That even before we dated he simply felt sorry for me. I haven't talked to him in over 2 months now. He also still has some of my stuff that I left in his room that I need back by May when I move.]

I've tried that.

Thanks hun'.
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[icon] NP Appointment - Long Shot Of That Jumping Sign~♫
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