sleepyTold me it is no wonder I am this way since I have suffered a massive lose [both in my support net, and emotionally]. She also told me to get in contact with him as I won't be able to get better without some (even a tiny bit of) closure on it.
[That he was too close as a person and as such hearing that it was all for pity (not just The Relationship but more-so the friendship and all the years) is ripping my whole view of Self apart. My trust has been shattered, and all my other relationships with peopel has been effected.] Same thing I was told at the other appointment. I should try and write him, visit or call him.
I have decided I'm scared of Matt now though. I dread having to call him because I don't want to here "you were just a pity fuck, and that's all" again or any of that shit. I take it to heart even if I don't want to or know I should not. Matt is still remembered as the person I knew for 14 years and anything said like that hurts worst than I can explain. Oh I'm not in love anymore; that love was butchered over 2 months ago. I also don't care if I hang-out anymore with him again. I just want to be able to move-on from this shit.
I have decided I'm scared of Matt now though. I dread having to call him because I don't want to here "you were just a pity fuck, and that's all" again or any of that shit. I take it to heart even if I don't want to or know I should not. Matt is still remembered as the person I knew for 14 years and anything said like that hurts worst than I can explain. Oh I'm not in love anymore; that love was butchered over 2 months ago. I also don't care if I hang-out anymore with him again. I just want to be able to move-on from this shit.
I am also stressed about school. There is a strong chance I will not pass the course. I will have wasted all this time and all this money for nothing. I can still catch-up as of now (in everything but Canadian History) but then again I CAN'T create (Art) or write essays when I am in this Haze. Yesterday I was told ASAP to get a note for school as I am not functioning and should not force myself to do what I am seriously unable to do.
Relax, 'spoil myself' (do what I want/enjoy, when I want to), eat, sleep as much as I can, get out of the house, talk to friends, be around people, get in contact with/from Matt, and go to my appointments is what I have been told to do. (may need to go on something if I don't get any better after my two-weeks. Right-now is settling the stress and getting caught-up on all this sleep I've missed. I was told that should help emensley)
