I call and make my rerservations, but Im not sure about July. I dont want to have them see hnw crap I am right nnw. Im nnt really myself and I will probably be going to Middleton Mental Health if I keep going-down like this. I look in the mirror and see the racoon-eyes from my lack of sleep. Bright light or strong sunlight hurts my eyes because of my sore eyes, since Ive been crying a lot again. I just feel so hollow. I hate how it hurts inside. I hate how Ive not recovered. Nothing has stained me so bad before that the intensidy still shakes through me 6 damn months later. I didnt feel this wortless when I tried to kill myself. Im becoming apathetic about a lot of things. I dont want Armadei especially to see me like this. I want to be closer to myself, because they dont need the burden of this on them. I think if I saw Armie and Kun in person I would weep. I dont even know if I could control it. I know deep-down I need this trip, but I feel bad at the thought of weighing 2 awesome people down like that.