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Subject:(No Subject)
Time:01:05 am
I deactivated my Facebook Wednesday morning.

And besides from wishing I had looked at some links I no longer can see, I have not really had any feeling-feelings over having done so. I waited a week, and that removal continues to make me upset & feel sick. So now I cannot be removed or Blocked over there anymore. `If I am pointless & worthless then I shouldn`t exist`, and this is a way of trying to deal with those feelings and the hurt. From past experience, it doesn`t matter if I try to talk on it or not. I said before being terrified, I have begged, I have tried contact. I just got yelled at for not trusting and for not acting more "buddy-buddy" (actual term used). How can I trust & not be terrified?! I can repeat the mantra of "we`re friends!" so many times, but things stack, and I now take actions as proof instead of words. I feel like anything I type or say just gets twisted around or dissipates. I feel stupid for thinking I/things had the value I thought. Hell, I feel stupid about a lot of things right now. The cards business & such really, really bothers me (so in a way it`s better that Valentinr is gone now). And I still cannot handle the removals, the Blocks, the ignoring, the banning/filtering/hiding my username, and fear, and just everything. But right now I guess it doesn`t matter if I get into & ramble on any of this.

I will see how I feel once my Nintendo 3DS is back, in regards to the Facebook account. Also now a lot of the pictures here may not work since I tended to sometimes use it for posting them.


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