?

Log in

[icon] I call and make my rerservations, but Im not sure about July. I dont… - Long Shot Of That Jumping Sign~♫
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Lady_Noremon @ Twitter).

Security:
Time:03:54 am
Current Mood:pensivepensive
I call and make my rerservations, but Im not sure about July. I dont want to have them see hnw crap I am right nnw. Im nnt really myself and I will probably be going to Middleton Mental Health if I keep going-down like this. I look in the mirror and see the racoon-eyes from my lack of sleep. Bright light or strong sunlight hurts my eyes because of my sore eyes, since Ive been crying a lot again. I just feel so hollow. I hate how it hurts inside. I hate how Ive not recovered. Nothing has stained me so bad before that the intensidy still shakes through me 6 damn months later. I didnt feel this wortless when I tried to kill myself. Im becoming apathetic about a lot of things. I dont want Armadei especially to see me like this. I want to be closer to myself, because they dont need the burden of this on them. I think if I saw Armie and Kun in person I would weep. I dont even know if I could control it. I know deep-down I need this trip, but I feel bad at the thought of weighing 2 awesome people down like that.
comments: Leave a comment Previous Entry Share Next Entry

hitokiri_quatre
Link:(Link)
Time:2008-05-31 07:34 pm (UTC)
Menthol tears (and Skittles tears) are nothing compared to seeing you.

Hey, sweetie, this is, in a sense, a joint comment from Arma and me.
I realize how tough of a situation that must've been for you, but it's been this long and you've come this far. That's very impressive. Even though you're still hurting, it's not surprising that you would still be sore from everything but you're still strong for having made it this far.
You would never be weighing us down for any reason. We're friends, so we're here for you. If, when it comes time for us all to be together, you need to cry, then cry. If you need to vent, then do so. It will never be a burden. Sometimes it really can help just to be with friends in person opposed to over the phone or internet. Having that physical interaction can really make a difference. (Agreed and testifying from current personal experience.)

Don't shut yourself off because you think you somehow have to prove yourself to us. We're already here for you and are very much looking forward to seeing you.

My cell phone is on if you ever need to call/text/etc. I know you don't like calling late at night, but I will reassure you that it's not a problem no matter what time of day it is.
(Reply) (Thread)


lady_noremon
Link:(Link)
Time:2008-05-31 11:14 pm (UTC)
To be truthful I had meant this to be posted privetly...damn cell-phone.

What about beef-bouillon though?

I havent been good since the 16th really, but since I think Monday(time sucks for me right now) Ive been waking-up at like 2am sobbing uncontrolably to the point I vomit. This is taking its toll on me during the day, and I look & feel like crap. I feel hollow inside and cry easily at little things. I hate dealing with myself like this and Im scared of being like this around you both. You dont need me unconsolable at night. I know you will be there for me anyway, but I hate that Im still not able to deal with it and move-on. He was in our yard last week. His brother had to come for his shoes(sent in a courier box of mine) and Matt came too(Ben didnt tell him that he was stopping in here). I looked out and he saw me, gave me that look of hatred then looked the other way and ducked behind the seat when I went outside to greet Ben. I dont know. I feel like it shouldnt hurt or bother me, but it does.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


lady_noremon
Link:(Link)
Time:2008-05-31 11:34 pm (UTC)
I love you guys so damn much, and I really cant wait to see you both face-to-face. Ive got my shuttle to book, but I was told not to book it till 2 weeks before. I still have yet to buy my damn ferry ticket. I also need to renew my license!

If I have another spell, I will force myself to call. Im sorry if it is at 1am your time. I love talking to you both, because I forget the crap and feel so loved. I love me some Crack! I have people that care about me (and Minnow cares too :P). I love you both. I just I was in better form for you. Even if it doesnt really matter.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

[icon] I call and make my rerservations, but Im not sure about July. I dont… - Long Shot Of That Jumping Sign~♫
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Lady_Noremon @ Twitter).