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Current Music:Leorio's Image Single :3
Current Location:Shaglehod in Autumn/Alberta, Canada
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Subject:*bah*
Time:02:42 am
Current Mood:amusedamused
I talked to Trevor tonight quite abit and it helped some. I still feel so lonely. I want to talk to my friends. I'm starting to feel crappy because I KNOW they have their own lives and I feel selfish for wanting them to take time from it to hang-out.

All weekend I have just wanted to hear "I love you" or "how are you?" from Matt, to chill with Trevor, or to have a random multi-topic chat with Armie. [I know Armadei is damn busy with Plato, and Trevor works, and Matt is on vacation. So busy, and the time differences...]

I did some school-work this weekend, but not as much as I had planned on. I just couldn't do it. I didn't feel like it. Like I couldn't make myself feel like it. Usually when I feel like this just a good chat makes me feel loved & alive and I can get right back and draw. I didn't have that till late tonight. Even then though Trevor didn't make me feel much better. He made me feel like I wasn't being so selfish, and promised that he will try and get a get-together of Matt, me & him when Matt get's back. I can't get my hopes up though. I barely can now for things. It just hurts so much when they are forgotten, or avoided. I told myself I'd be more optimistic, but I find I can't open myself so wide anymore. Not even for my best-friends. This is another thing that I hate about myself.

The Sarah I've been the last few months is not the happy vivid Sarah from before. I've lost the will for art, and haven't been in as close of contact with the people who give me that life. [I don't like being depressed!Sarah, or needy!Sarah, but it happens so much lately...it's my own fault really in a way.]

My art used to be full of such organic life. Like the garbage bags, and even the bike wheel that is now on my wall --the same art-piece that the sketch for was thrown on the floor. It still feels like life. The stuff I've made the last few weeks doesn't have that. I don't even want to call it art. I don't like making stuff that doesn't have that artistic life in it. Sure my stuff looks better, but it doesn't flow anymore.


This is one of the last things I've drawn for the sake of drawing. Bad proportions, mispelling (even writting on it for fuck sakes, which is frowned upon along with signing it, which I also did :3), quite a few mistakes where the pen slipped. But it makes me laugh so hard. It makes me grin and have to stiffle the yell of "88 MILES PER HOUR!". This is what I want my art to be. I want it to bring me joy. That is why lately whenever I feel like drawing something I go for it. I force myself out of the chair and go find my personal sketch book or this pad of white paper I keep on my desk.

Still I need hang-out time *heh* ENCORE FOR SELFISH BOTHER!!! *bwahaha*

Ahhh~ 5 hours of sleep tonight....
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hyukta
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Time:2007-11-26 08:03 pm (UTC)
I don't think it's selfish to want friends to hang out with you once in a while. It's like saying being lonely or bored is selfish. It wouldn't hurt to ask them. Maybe one or two would be free. ^_^
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lady_noremon
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Time:2007-11-27 05:41 am (UTC)
Yeah that's pretty much what Trev-honey told me :3

But it's just so difficult, 'specially with Armadei right now since there is a 7 hour time difference D: Trevor works 2 jobs, and Matt is away in vacation till the 6th...I can't even go play "Kingdom Hearts II" or "Dr.Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine" because we share a TV and Tanis is watching it :(

Thank-you very much *hug*!
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alchemy_hisoka
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Time:2007-11-29 11:46 pm (UTC)
Leorio's Image Single :3

Ahhh! *runs away and hides under the bed* :p

I don't think it's selfish to want to spend time with friends, unless it's still selfish when it's a mutual desire. I'm sorry I haven't been around much; hopefully, chat Saturday will help make things better. *hug*

Sure my stuff looks better, but it doesn't flow anymore.

I've found that your environment impacts your work greatly, whether it be art or writing. Professors are also a large part of that, and the type of professor who truly inspires you and helps guide you toward your potential is extremely rare. More often than not, you just feel restricted by their own rules and views. Hence why I would never take another creative writing class even though I love writing -- I can't stand being told what to write when it comes to fiction and I don't think it really helped me at all.

. . . is that Killua on the sidelines with his skateboard? ^^

Ahhh~ 5 hours of sleep tonight....

o_0 Far too few for me . . .
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